losing the spark

A huge sigh of relief for the arrival of the end of the year.

These last few months I've been seriously debating giving up the artist thing. 

I lost my momentum and was completely uninspired. Everything felt really blah.

 I was working up to three part time jobs at a time just to get ahead in some way.

I was very hard on myself and depressed and wallowed in the miserableness of it all a little too much. Nothing was sticking and all I wanted to do was watch movies.

I feel bad about how many movies I watched.

I went to a therapist. She suggested being kinder to myself and starting small.

I drew the hangman in our tarot reading. We discussed the meaning of being in a suspended state. It's uncomfortable, but also transitionary.

I found a page in Twyla Tharp's book that talked about how scratching for ideas can sometimes feel desperate and panicy. I was there.

I started going for walks.

I started shifting my thinking.

I tried to just work on things that excited me. Crochet, doodling, playing with color, embroidering my clothes.

I went and looked at art in person.

I ventured out and learned some new things.

I found new jobs that at least made me happier.
I started being conscious of the now.

Having a fresh year ahead of me feels nice. A fresh breath under my sails.

Being an artist and knowing you'll be one your entire life has it's moments. How do you prepare for the long haul? How do you maintain the momentum? and what do you do when the momentum is gone and you feel so disconnected with your own process and work? What happens when real life pulls you away?

You feel like an inchworm sometimes