post 137

I started this blog about 2 years ago.

Why?


Not sure. maybe to help capture the quietness, the nothingness, the tiny things that happen day to day.
The things that seem magic.

I found a baby squirrel last week in the dirt, I scooped him up and took him to the wildlife rescue center. He had curled up in my apron and was sleeping so sweetly. The smiley old lady thanked me for being such a kind person.

I spend a lot of time reading and surfing the web, I suppose everyone does, sometimes it makes me feel bad that I'm not making artwork, or pushing myself more, but this year feels like a year of rest, of waiting, of sitting quietly and letting things roll by, a year of inaction.
I think about all the craziness of that last relationship and all the things I miss most. Having someone to share things with constantly, someone to laugh with, someone to be my weird playful self around and not feel self conscious. Someone to bury my head into when I felt tired or sad.I miss the size of him sometimes more than anything, he was someone to crawl into.
a way of hiding from myself I think.
it makes the silence and empty space feel so appropriately timed in my life right now.
A year for taking stock, a year for calmly looking at myself with understanding, a year of quietly accepting things. A year for seeing truths.

I don't cry as much anymore, things are just kind of there and I don't feel them as intensely as I used to, this kind of makes me sad, but then everything about this year just is what it is and I calmly float on from one day to the next.