Did I mention I like lists

yes.
they are concise.
often encouraging efficiency.

Piles of them occur when I'm stressed.

So much to do.
I have an interview on friday, what to wear? earrings, hair. shoes, dress, sweater , leggings.

Driving makes me so angry. I runaround wearing scowls feeling ready to pop.

Rent a Uhaul, address changes, cancel classes and collect money, get work organized, so much to pack, make phone calls, cancel utilities, write last rent check, give 30 day,return library books and movies, I'd like to make something for all the dearies I am leaving, may not have time.

feel ready to spend evenings coloring with my nephews, visiting my parents regularly, seeing my grandparents regularly, riding my bike to charlottes and the hidden diner booths I know intimately. surprise visits. I'd like to be a pro at growing vegetables. making jams and dish towels, scavenging again. running into old friends , dancing at new and old haunts.

jeez, 28 years old and feeling so tired of fighting my inherent nature, and habits, so tired of feeling guilty or bad or not good enough or let down or disappointed. increasingly jaded. increasingly bitter, I'm afraid coming home won't change anything.

Today I found a small collection of Meg's whiskers. and thought that when she is long since dead I will find these and miss holding her and snuggling with her and feeling her warm soft coat in the middle of the night or hearing her bell and her voice.
I guess thats how it is with this life. eventually the memory is all you have.